Tech giant Google Inc. is boldly going where no ISP has gone before, as it seeks to diversify it's business by embarking into the world of domestic plumbling, MV and DR write.

Following the recent success of Gmail, a free email service that provides 1GB of storage space the company has announced the GLoo, a free toilet and waste analysis toll which uses slightly more storage space and is a little smellier.

Beware - Flushing empties the recycle bin

The commode will be provided free of charge but will analyse waste matter as it is expelled from the body and show keyword based adverts depending on what the user has eaten. The product can even suggest anti-diarrheal capsules or advise a trip to the doctor for a diabetes test.

“This is an idea we have been trying to force out for a long time” said one of the developers, “some of my colleagues joke about this being a one eyed monster, but to me it’s a lot more important than that.”

In response to the news multibillionaire Bill Gates was quick to point out that Microsoft has been working on a similar solution for over a year. The ‘MSN Crapper’ service will be marketed with the slogan: “Even dumps are better with the butterfly.”

Researchers from MrDamian had the pleasure of testing the new Google service on a number of occassions. The first - the initial beta service, had some shortcomings. Our researcher who'd spent the night before at a local curry house was sent links to Amazon.com for the CD Single of Boy George’s 1980s hit Korma Chameleon and an advert for the nearest zoo.

Not chicken curry with pilau rice, but rather fruity none the less.

On the second occassion we had much more success. Mr Damian decided to try and fool the machine by not flushing the chain until both the missus and our youngest daughter had done their business. To this we added some old turds produced by Betsy the dog, as well as the results of a long session with a laminated copy of Hustler.

The results, surprised us all. According to Google, the dog has ringworm, the daughter's a cokehead and the wife is pregnant.

It's not mine.

GLoo did however recommend a good lawyer and an excellent vetinary surgeon, proving once again what good value for money the service really is.

Posted by damian at October 14, 2004 02:36 PM | TrackBack