Thousands of children across the United States look set to miss out on Christmas this year due to anti-terrorism measures introduced by the notoriously strict Department of Homeland Security.

Firstly, customs officials have insisted that Santa needs to sign the pre-requisite customs documentation for “each and every Xmas goodie” that he will be bringing into the country, a rule which in the past has been waved, and which Mr Claus has suggested that it will require him to freeze time for considerably longer than normal in order for him to complete his present delivering mission.

Their heart is in the right place, despite everything

Speaking exclusively to Mr Damian, Santa confessed that he was baffled by this new rules and suggested that as a result some children may even miss out on Christmas this year. A prospect which needless to say horrified us almost as much as the prospect of David Hasselhoff’s forthcoming hip hop album.

Good Rudolph

However, our investigations have shown that, for once, the Dept. of Homeland Security may have good cause for this extra vigilance, after it emerged that Santa's favourite reindeer, Rudolph, has been put on the U.S. terrorism watch list.

Officials say recent intelligence from Iran shows the reindeer's evil twin, Rudolph Bin Nose Laden, is once again running training camps in the Yemen, and as a result they have concluded that Rudolph Red Nose Laden may be a risk.

Bad Rudolph (no recent picture available)

For Dancer and Prancer, two of Santa’s other reindeers, this is great news. The pair have for years resented what they saw as favouritism towards Rudolph and were said to be particularly jealous of his fame.

Earlier in the year British singer Cat Stevens suffered a similar injustice and was detained by the FBI on arrival in the US. Mr Stevens was released after being charged with 'Having a silly name without a licence' which is a class II felony in the state of New York, although mandatory in many southern states.

Posted by damian at December 22, 2004 12:45 PM | TrackBack