In a surprising move the UK Government will announce later today that disgraced former Tory peer Jeffery Archer is to be permanently moored over the Kent coast.

The lying Lord has been a source of embarrassment to the British public for many years, especially since his release following a conviction for perjury, and this is the latest attempt to ensure that he is kept at arms length from tabloid journalists, charity fundraisers and high class hookers.

Lying cheating bastard, or so the courts say

It’s understood that the move comes with the complete support of his “fragrant” wife, Mary, who is said to be delighted at getting rid of “the lying cheating bastard”.

Commercial Ferry companies however have expressed concern over the move, fearing that the sight of the popular writer lashed to a buoy may distract their crew, or worse still result in members of the public falling overboard, as they jostle for the best position to take photographers of the former Tory grandee.

Bryan Ferry is a slave to love and was unavailable for comment.

The marked routes are Archer safe. The rest is potentially Archer infested. Approach at your peril.

Posted by damian at January 13, 2005 11:39 AM | TrackBack