The latest headlines from around the world brought to you by the crusader for truth, and generally all round (in fact mostly round,)swell guy, Mr Damian.

UK: Reasons behind Rover collapse revealed
A senior civil servant has told Mr Damian the reason for the collapse of the deal between MG Rover and the Chinese Government.

"The problem is that if you said Rover to the average Chinaman, they'd expect something you ate with rice and vegetables, not something which did 0-60 in 5 seconds flat."

Prince Phillip was unavailable for comment.
However this dog felt the manufacturer had had a woof deal.

America: Britney Preggers
After weeks of speculation, Britney Spears has finally admitted to being pregnant. Yawn.

At present the sex of the baby is unknown, although it is known that he/she/it will be born in a trailer park somewhere in Louisiana.

The liklihood that the child will be given a stupid name and have its ears pierced before it is six months old cannot be ruled out.

Oops I did it again and now I'm up the duff

UK: Mistake of the Day
Mr Damian notes that an earlier edition we referred to "Lineker's brothel in tax dodge" - we did of course mean Lineker's brother - and hastily apologise to any brothel keeper who took offence. We'd prefer it if you took a gate. Southgate in fact. The penalty missing ugly f&c6er.

The other, tax paying Lineker, ruled Mr Damian off side

Posted by damian at April 11, 2005 10:19 PM