US President George W Bush has formally appointed poodle haired musician Michael Bolton as the US ambassador to the United Nations.

The move, which was widely expected but which occurred without approval from the US Senate, is expected to result in condemnation of the President's actions especially from lily-livered Democrats.

Bolton will soon be sworn in in Washington, before moving to New York to start work where he will be based until 2007. Speaking exclusively to Mr Damian the singer told us that he saw his role 'not just as an ambassador, but also as a soul provider'.

Dogged
Mr Bolton's candidacy did have the support of many senators but the nomination stalled because many women felt he was unsuitable for the role. Although never proven the warbler has been dogged with rumours of a being a serial sexual harasser, 'Can I touch you there?' is understood to be his favourite chat up line to nubile interns.

In an announcement at the White House, President Bush praised Mr Bolton's experience in foreign affairs and his soulful harmonies, alluding to problems the US had recently had with the UN, particularly around Iraq, President Bush said 'how can we be allies if we can't be friends?'

The Other Poodle
British Prime Minister, Tony Blair also welcomed the appointed saying 'How is the UN Supposed to Live Without You?'

At the president's side, Mr Bolton said he was 'profoundly honoured' by his appointment and promised that his period in office would be full of 'Time, Love and Tenderness'.

Lambasted
Democratic Senator John Kerry, who fought for the presidency last year, acknowledged Mr Bush's constitutional right to make the appointment but condemned the move as the 'wrong decision'. 'It only diminishes Michael Bolton's validity and leverage to secure America's goals at the UN,' he said in a statement, although he promised not to put up any 'Steel Bars' to the appointment.

In response Mr Bolton simply said, somewhat opaquely, 'That's What Love Is All About' and went off to wash his thinning hair.

Posted by damian at August 09, 2005 03:08 PM