Eating toffee could cut your chances of getting cancer by up to 50% claim scientists, and in some cases might even cure it all together. Mr Damian investigates.

In the UK alone almost a third of all deaths are caused by cancer. As a result scientists all over the world are experimenting with drugs which they hope will either prevent or cure this worldwide killer.

Efforts to date have been largely unsuccessful, but recent research suggests that a blanket cure could be round the corner.

C-Span
However few people tend to killed by blankets, much less than by cancer anyway, so a cure for the Big C remains top priority for scientists and pharmacological companies alike.

According to a team of scientists at Manchester University this aspiration may become a reality in the next five years.

White Coated Man
David Sugarman who leads the research centre explained that their discovery happened by accident. 'We were running some tests which weren't going very well, when someone told a very rude joke involving a nun and some soap which made me laugh,' he said.

'I was chewing a Werthers Original at the time and it made me barf it into the test tube. It was then that the machine went crazy'.

Suck on this

After evacuating the lab and taking a long vacation in Hawaii the team returned to find that the toffee had killed all traces of cancer in their laboratory.

'The trick now is to replicate this across the globe' said Sugarman speaking on a satellite phone from Bermuda.

'So for the next phases of our trials we're going to Mauritius, the Seychelles and possibly Sri Lanka to see if this was an accident or possibly the greatest scientific discovery since the Da Vinci Code'.

We think he meant DNA, but we have to admit the line wasn't great.

Just 50p a day spent on toffee, and a ruler, could stop this

Posted by damian at December 02, 2005 01:01 PM