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January 06, 2006
Top American News Predictions For 2006

Mr Damian looks ahead at the big stories Stateside during the forthcoming year.




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Bush: 'Global Warming Not Just Hot Air'
January: Mel Brooks announces plans for a Broadway version of 'Sharon the Ballet' explaining the Israel v Palestinian conflict, and showcasing the contribution of the late Ariel Sharon, through the power of dance.

February: Dick Cheney fends off calls for his resignation after it emerges that he bit off part of Karl Rove's right ear during a drunken brawl at Camp David.

March: President Bush unveils a plan to help reduce Global Warming by asking all Americans to leave their fridge doors open at night.

April: California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is snapped by a long lense photographer doing the washing up in his wife's underwear, instantly endearing his to the State's pink voters.

May: Cheney quits after it emerges that he likes to do much the same thing in the Rose Garden. He's not cool enough for the Pink Vote to save him.

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Bad Attitude

June: In a bid to toughen up his ailing Presidency George Dubya appoints Mr T as VP.

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Paris: Old dog. New tricks.
July: The latest craze to sweep Hollywood is sign language for dogs. Paris Hilton is one of the first to pioneer the new trend.

August: Bush invades Iran after months of preparation. With Tehran falling in under 48 hours his VP comments: 'I love it when a plan comes together.'

September: France belatedly objects to the invasion and Larry King viewers see their Vice President openly berate the French President, Jacque Chirac. 'I pity the fool,' he says.


October: An emergency summit in Paris is almost cancelled after it emerges that the VP refuses to fly in Air Force One. However a White House aide spikes his milk and everything works out fine.

November: Donald Rumsfeld discovers a new unknown. He's now unemployed.

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Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey

December: Bush is forced to find his third Vice President of the year after the current incumbent goes on the run for a crime he didn't commit.

Posted by damian at January 06, 2006 01:16 PM
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