Scientists fear for the Queen's life after a swan found dead in Scotland has tested positive for the deadly H5N1 strain of bird flu.

Under British law all swans throughout the UK are the property of the Monarch, and they're the only person allowed to eat them. Non royals found to be eating the bird can face prosecution and possibly death due to a technicality which means that 'swan eating' can result in an offenders head ending up on a giant spike outside the Tower of London.

It's not known how often the Queen eats swan, but Palace insiders claim she's a big fan of the meat which she says 'tastes like chicken'.

A dead swan was found in Cellardyke, Fife, eight days ago. Fourteen other birds are being tested and a surveillance zone has been set up which covers 965 sq miles.

Whilst the current strain of H5N1 is said not to be harmful to humans there are fears that the virus could mutate to a strain which could affect humans who come in close proximity to positive birds.

As a result, Royal Cooks have been instructed to remove all swan produce from upcoming menus and to burn or bury any swans which are currently hanging in larders or smoking rooms.

That would be enough for most people, but not the Queen.

According to one aide HRH is concerned that her precious Corgi's may become infected by the virus, as scientistific evidence suggests that canines are more prone to infection from so called 'bird flu' than humans.

To mitigate this risks HRH has instructed all her animals to be immediately quarantined, and for swan to be taken off their menu as well.

'The Queen loves her dogs more than her subjects,' a Palace spokesman said, 'she'll go to any lengths to protect them.'

If you're worried about the impact of eating illegal swan products, or the health of your pets, call the Defra helpline on 08459 335577.

Posted by damian at April 07, 2006 10:23 AM