We're not going to comment on the World Cup, here's the rest of the news from across the UK from the last week.

LAST MINUTE PLEA FOR NATWEST THREE
Tony Blair is facing growing calls to help the NatWest Three before they're extradited to the United States on fraud charges related to the collapse of Enron.

Unfortunately attempts by Mr Blair to contact the NatWest Three were put through to a call centre in India, where the staff failed to understand the nature of his inquiry and refused to put him through to his branch.

SLEAZY DOES IT
Tony Blair has been challenged by the sleaze watchdog to hold an inquiry into claims that John Prescott breached Whitehall rules by staying at an American billionaire's ranch. 'That's your job,' the watchdog told our beleagured PM.

HOMICIDES SOAR UNDER LABOUR
Cases of murder and manslaughter have risen by almost 25% since Labour came to power in 1997, official Home Office figures have revealed.

Since 1997, the number of homicide victims, including solved and unsolved cases, has averaged 737 per year. In the period from 1990 to 1996, the average was 601.

'It's criminal,' an opposition spokesman said.

NO WAGS ALLOWED
England's new manager has banned footballers' wives and girlfriends after excessive shopping sprees and heavy partying at the World Cup. 'That's the players job,' an FA spokesman said.

TORY FINANCES
The Conservative Party has denied reports in today's newspapers that they are £30 million in debt, insisting that party finances are 'in good shape,' having moved the balance to Capital One in a deal understood to be 0% on balance transfers till September 2007.

NOT JUST A BORING BASTARD
Much fun and hilarity being enjoyed here at Mr Damian Towers this week as we enjoy the latest pop video of former Newcastle and England footballer Alan Shearer. What a guy.

COUNCIL PUTS BUS SHELTER ON EBAY
A council is hoping to riase funds by selling one of it's bus shelters on eBay. Unfortunately, they weren't the only ones with that idea, as two other councils followed suit over the weekend.

'Typical,' said one prospective buyer, 'you wait for ages then three come along at once.'

WEMBLEY STADIUM FACES MORE DELAYS
The completion of the new Wembley stadium looks likely to be delayed further, after the builders ran out of biscuits and took a week off to visit Asda to get some more Rich Tea.

Honestly, you can't get the staff these days can you?

Posted by damian at July 10, 2006 08:33 AM