UK Prime Minister Tony Blair announced plans for a new form of direct taxation today in front of a packed House of Commons.

In a move signalling New Labour's committment to be "tough on poor grammar, otugh on the causes of poor grammar" the new 'Like Tax' was unvelied. Using emergency legisaltion the British government has taken the unprecedented step of taxing people based on the number of times they use the word "like."

Teenage rights groups immediately stuck out, a spokesteen exclaimed "This like so like unfair, I mean like we should be able to say what we like, when we like. Like."

It is thought that this tax will hit also northerners and MTV viewers especially hard, many of whom can say the word 'like' upto 50 times a day.

"Fucking hell like," one punter told us "it's going to be cheaper to smoke like than say like," they said before being fined fifty quid by a passing copper.

Musicians whose music is played in the UK will be similarly affected. It is expected that many artists will re-record songs to avoid paying. Outkast’s recent hit “Shake it in a way that is reminiscent of a Polaroid picture” will be reversioned to make it radio and taxation friendly, whilst legendary songstress Madonna will pay a heavy price for over using the word in her 80s hits “Like a Prayer” and “Like a Virgin”.

Madge – needs to use a bigger vocab

Meanwhile Burger in a Bun giant McDonalds have denied rumours that they changed a recent campaign initially based around the phrase “I’m likin' it” after being tipped off by a ministerial insider.

Plans were afoot to introduce a similar tariff on the use of "y'know". This was strongly opposed by the PM who is in the top 5% of "y'know" users in the country.

It is estimated that had the tax been implemented the PM would lose most of his salary and might even be forced to resell his new London pad in order to foot his tax bill. Blair is quoted as saying "It would y'know, in all fairness, be y'know somewhat unfair on, well, y'know me, Cherie and lest we forget little baby Leo if we were to be made y'know, homeless as a result of this measure."

Lionel Blair innit?

In the U.S., Republican pressure groups are fighting Democrats who want to introduce a so called 'Idiot Tax' on people who can't say the word nuclear properly and ban them from ever becoming president.

Posted by damian at October 06, 2004 06:33 PM | TrackBack