With the pressure mounting on the UK Government to ban junk food advertising targeting children, MV and DR reveal that a health crisis which could potentially impact on children across the globe.

Mr Damian understands that several Harley Street doctors have expressed private concern that the popular children’s TV characters, the Teletubbies, are suffering from potentially death inducing obesity and that their lifestyle may well be a contributing factor to children suffering from the same condition.

Tinky Winky, Dipsy, La La and Po are all technically obese with body mass indexes well above 30 and this is not due to being big boned or muscle mass. It is, in large part down to a reasonably sedentary lifestyle which involves lots of sleep and watching TV's encrusted in one another's tummies.

Too tubbie?

"I dread to think what that does for the kidney" one Doctor said, visibly shuddering, “this is another worrying indictment on the TV oriented society, we knew that kids having televisions in their bedrooms was dangerous, here we have 4 individuals with them embedded in their stomachs. The results should chill every parent to the core.” In a separate move nutritionists also highlighted the high trans fat content of Teletubbie Tustard [sic]. "It's full of sugar and has little nutritional value, if indeed any at all," according to Patrick Holford from the Institute of Optimum Nutrition.

Doctor Phatt Arss lamented that “Dipsy is in the worst shape with high blood pressure and diabetes meaning he will not live past 40 unless drastic steps are taken.”

While the Teletubbies also spend a reasonable amount of their jumping in and out of holes in the ground and running around to look at the sun, health experts warn this is not enough.

"You need to do more than just a bit of cardio vascular work" we were told "especially on such an unhealthy diet, I'd like to see them do a bit a weight work each week - even doing their own hoovering would help, although I understand that Noo Noo might be a little put out by this."

The doctor did concede however that Po was in the better shape than others and attributed it to a worrying pattern of abuse in the Teletubbie family. The good doctor explained, “I think he has to move quickly to avoid getting caught, he’s a wily little bugger.” As a result, the decision has been made my a combination of overpaid medical advisors to put the flabby four on the Atkins diet. It was a decision not taken lightly by the tubbie’s production team, a spokesman said “we don’t want to get egg on our face here, but at the end of the day the Teletubbies really bring home the bacon for this company.” Indeed, let's just hope that bacon isn't cooked in hydrogenated vegetable oil.

Doctor Who?

Posted by damian at December 09, 2004 09:06 AM | TrackBack