Italy has called for Ginger people to be banned after research scientists discovered that Ginger people were found to be up to 50% more ugly than those who were non-ginger.

Ginger people and red heads across the country were studied in secret over a two year period by highly qualified boffins. As a result of this clandestine research they were able to reveal that ginger people were less likely to be found sexually attractive by the opposite sex and that more often than not their eyes were too close together. Researchers also found that people were less likely to make eye contact with a ginger person and might even cross the road in order to avoid the likelihood of them being infected with “Gingivitis” a medical condition which turns your gums ginger.

Scientists

"We are a Catholic country," he told us, “and if people are unable to produce masses of healthy offspring we need to consider their usefulness.”

"We need to ensure that ginger levels are reduced and that it vanishes from our environment."

Reassuringly Scientists didn’t find any correlation between eating ginger and being ginger

One Italian TV News channel showed footage of people leaving a nightclub screaming when well known Ginger Lothario Mick Hucknell entered the building, and a survey by pollsters BerniGov showed that 72% of the public were worried about the Italian gene pool being contaminated by ginger genes.

In Tuscany, 28% of all children produced in the last two years were above European Union limits for Gingerness, one report claimed, resulting in Thomas Verdi of the National Association of Consumer Advice Centre calling for all Ginger men and women to be have their sperm and eggs screened for abnormally high levels of gingerness before they were allowed to have children.

Chris got ugly with us – it wasn’t hard

Ugly ginger people around the world have begun protesting against what they see as yet further discrimination against them. British TV and Radio star Chris Evans called us and said “I’m Ginger, and I’m proud of it. Would anybody dare call me ugly?” Mr Damian did, and as a result we have had to take out a restraining order against the copper knobbed has-been.

Posted by damian at January 17, 2005 05:47 PM | TrackBack