mrdamian.com: Tory leader to deport himself if elected Prime Minister

April 11, 2005

Tory leader to deport himself if elected Prime Minister

Conservative leader Michael Howard has launched his party's manifesto as the UK General Election starts to hot up.

Howard took questions from journalists at the launch

The Tory who previously served under Margaret Thatcher - although not in the biblical sense - told reporters that 'the electorate faces a real choice' when they go to the polls on May 5th.

'They can either vote for five more years of smirking, or they can vote for a party which will deliver cleaner hospitals, more police, school discipline, controlled immigration, lower taxes and accountability.'

Soho's sexworkers, who have long had a successful business arrangement with members of the Tory party welcome an increase in discipline, but it's the issue of immigration which is attracting the most attention.

According to at least one expert, Mr Howard, 63, could find himself deported if his party's policies are successfully carried out, although it's not clear if this fact - until now kept secret - is part of the Tories electoral strategy or not.

Labour party chiefs in particular have expressed a worry that this knowledge would simply encourage more people to vote Conservative.

'It's very clever,' one source told us, 'vote Tory and you guarentee getting rid of Howard forever, which is great.

However you do get a Tory Government for four years, which is not so great. We haven't been in this much of a quandry since Clause 4.'

Michael Howard declined to comment.

He was busy crying at Sleepless in Seattle. The big girl.

Not a sex worker, but we wish she was

Posted by damian at April 11, 2005 10:16 PM

America • Gallo ensures Cork goes with a bang • Top American News Predictions For 2006 • American Newsround • Top Ten Christmas Porn Films	Compilation Albums • The Best Tony's Got To Go Soon, Surely, Album in the World Ever... IV • The Best Tsunami Disaster Album in the World...Ever! Volume II ! • The Best Papal Tribute Album In The World... Ever! • The Best Tsunami Disaster Album In The World...Ever!	Media & Entertainment • This weeks showbiz gossip • This weeks entertainment gossip • Top Celeb Gossip You'll Want To Tell Your Friends • Celebrity Big Brother Special	Music • Glitter goes down - and this time it's legal • This weeks top music gossip • Hot Gossip From The Brits • Fatboy saved by fellow DJ
Puppets & Fairy Tales • The Big Bad Wolf Could Not Have Blown The House Down Scientist Claims • Humpty Dumpty: A Tragic Accident, Or Murder? • Teletubbies go on Atkins • Case against Mr Punch dramatically collapses	Sport • Sven Will I See You Again? • Kelly Holmes unveils active retirement plans • Armstrong shows he has got the balls • Top 10 New Sports for the 2012 London Olympics	UK News • Official: Westminster Media 'Top of the Tossers' • Flash threatens to take on Ming in Lib Dem race • Official: Lib Dems all gay • Blair U Turn on Foxhunting	World News • Cartoon Protests Continue • Scientists Chew Over New Cancer Cure • Who is Gideon? • WWF - is is cruel to Pandas?