It could happen to any of us, anytime, so Mr Damian's horror correspondent, MV, has been examining how to stay alive and avoid a scary death.

No need to scream

Top Ten Ways To Stay Alive If You Find Yourself In A Horror Film

1) Avoid being the prettiest girl in the group, she always gets killed first.

2) Avoid being the sluttiest girl in the group, see above. Oral sex guarantees you will be slaughtered in a most heinous manner(sorry).

3) Never split up, despite what you well meaning boyfriend might say about 'coming back for you'. He wont. Death will.

4) When you walk into a dark room, turn the lights on... seriously try it, you will see so much better. It could save your life.

5) Do us all a favour and hit the guy one more time. Trust me on this one, however dead he way look, guarenteed he's not dead yet...

6) No, that is not a short cut.

7) Cheap Motels (is there another type?) are 100% out. 4 out of 5 dentists say 70% of all bad things happen in one.

8) The arrogant cocky bastard generally lives due to his arrogant cocky bastardness, so get used to it.

9) Your mother was wrong, smoking does make you look cool.

10) Never trust a man in uniform, bad guys always drive the ambulance. Ask if you can get a cab.

Sarah Michelle Gellar - Mr Damian would like to see her in the Buffy

Posted by damian at May 11, 2005 07:49 AM