The death in the UK of a Norwegian Blue parrot from the deadly H5N1 avian flu strain has been widely reported across the globe, however only Mr Damian that can expose the beaurocratic bungling that let to this unfortunate death.

The story which was first broken by news agency Reuters, came before British health officials had officially announced the animal dead.

Closed for lunch
Experts were initially of the view that the creature might have been simply 'resting after a long squwark' or possibly even 'stunned'. Others were off the view that it might simply be 'pining for the fjords'.

Who's a pretty boy then?

After 12 hours of patient study, external consultant Joan Cledes from Weston upon Tupperware, was brought in. It's understood that it was Cledes who discovered that the parrot had been nailed onto its perch by a dodgy salesman in a bid to cover up the fact that the bird was in fact dead.

As a result, Cledes was able to deduce that the bird had in fact deceased.

Stiff
Speaking exclusively to Mr Damian she was suitably incredulous about previous suggestions as to the well being of the animal.

'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker!' she said.

'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!!'

'So is it definitely dead?' we asked.

'THIS IS AN EX-PARROT' she confidently replied.

That it would seem settled it, and so the panic about avian flu begins....

Posted by damian at October 26, 2005 01:45 PM