Tony Blair is expected to this week announce the reintroduction of fox hunting, but only in London, after a secret Government report suggested that fox flu could wipe out over 25% of the human population.

The review was instigated after the discovery that the famous Downing Street Chicken had had its neck broken by one of the red fellows.

The murder, captured on CCTV for all to see, was said to have incensed the animal loving PM to the extent that he broken down in a cabinet meeting and 'wept like a girl' after an aide passed him the news.

As part of the war on terror Blair authorised an MI5 led investigation into the crime, promising to bring the perpetrator to justice. Having done that one dark winters night armed with nothing but a flashlight and a large spade, Blair is understood to have broadened his war to include all foxes in urban areas.

Hunters hunting the hunted

Incest and Incensted The move to introduce hunting in London follows an earlier decision to ban similar activities in the countryside, a plan which met with widespread resistance at the time from inbred country folk wearing Barbor jackets and green wellies. Whilst the move is likely to be popular with city folk who regularly find their bins disturbed, windows kicked in, or garden gnomes stolen by foxes, there's concern that ruralites will turn into mercenaries descending on the capital to kill foxes without mercy of impunity. Blood thirsty 'Once they get the taste of blood they're insatiable,' said one Londoner. 'I'm no fan of foxes, but my fear is that for a country boy it's not that big a step to go from killing a fox to killing a well heeled stockbroker, and the Government are encouraging people to go down that route.'

Others such as the RSPCA were worried that the move would see an increase in the illegal fox trade, with illegally imported foxes dumped across the city so that they could in turn become nothing more than killing fodder. 'We're worried that the move would see an increase in the illegal fox trade, with illegally imported foxes dumped across the city so that they could in turn become nothing more than killing fodder,' a spokesman told us. The foxes were unavailable for comment.

The Andrex Puppy soon found alternative employment

Posted by damian at January 20, 2006 05:25 PM